Thankful, Grateful, & Grieving?
The holidays have descended upon us. Contrary to what your local stores have been promoting since mid-summer, the holidays are actually here. We are planning and organizing events and schedules. We are making lists and preparing for expenses to increase as we are gearing up to celebrate.
It’s a time of family, food, and fun! There are social media challenges to express our gratitude for the whole world to hear. Maybe we are a little more reflective. Thinking back over the year and remembering the highlights, we feel that warm, fuzzy goodness that we are indeed abundantly blessed by God.
Although, what isn’t often shared or given due focus is those of us that stare out the window holding a lukewarm coffee mug as tears caress our cheeks as delicately as the leaves float to their final resting place beneath the trees. We debate whether warming up our coffee will ease the ache in our stomachs or if we will even be able to taste the sweet notes in our daily blend.
Autumn has always been my favorite time of year. The world turns into the most vibrant colors and the crisp air carries the smell of change. Warm things feel even better when the air carries the slightest chill yet the sun still warms everything with a golden glow. Yet, I tend to feel my grief the most when summer begins to fade and Autumn takes the reins.
The smell of her baking in a busy kitchen. The sound of crunching leaves during the walks we’d share. The feeling of digging through decoration boxes that have been tucked away all year. The sound of laughter as plans were made for the next two busy months. The look on their faces as they teased each other over the excitement and promise of the holidays. Joy and pain can exist in the same memory.
For some, their pain is far more fresh. It’s a brand new wound that is delicate to the touch and tugs with the ever slightest pull. For others, it’s healed over and cared for but that flesh will never be completely the same as it once was before. This year, oddly, has carried a heavy emotional weight. Not in regards to things that I am experiencing, but in multiple connected circles that I orbit nearby. There has been a great amount of loss and darkness. Some dear loved ones are hunched with heavy burdens.
This heaviness brings me to these thoughts. Gratitude and Grief. They can coexist. They can lead from one to the other. They can blend into the same watercolor of mixed emotion. If you are reading this and connect to this conundrum. This was written for you.
In Ecclesiastes 3, we read that there are times and seasons for grief and joy. The grief is not meant to reign but it does cycle. Just as the grief does make the time for dancing so much sweeter. Matthew 5:4 reminds us that there is encouragement and comfort for our pain. Grief gives God the opportunity to comfort us. It pushes us to feel the void that only He can fill through the power of the Holy Spirit and His use of the body of Christ.
We are not supposed to hide our grief. It can be like that precious treasure we keep hidden away for fear that losing it will mean even more loss. But friends, the comfort God gives us through our brothers and sisters in Christ is a true opportunity to see God at work. To comfort others and be comforted in return as we share in our grief and find gratitude bound up together.
In Romans we find:
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
The Love of God remains true and unchangeable. Death feels so dark and final. But the truth is, we don’t understand death at all. At least, not the way God sees it. But the beauty of Gratitude and Grief is that it all leads back to Him.
Our gratitude leads us to God. Our grief leads us to God. If loss occurs so that God is found, how great a thing is that. The grief of the cross leads to gratitude of the cross and we should feel the intertwine of both when we look back to it.
Take heart, my weary friend, there is love and hope in Gratitude and Grief.
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